Back on Track

She has a lot of tracks you’ll be saying, and you’re not wrong. This particular track I’ve been on for only about six years and was off for over six to nine months.

This time last year I had a lot of nightmares, so much so that I thought to get some help figuring out why. First saw a dream analyst for about fourteen weeks. Fatigue reared its ugly head. The trip there and back by public transport once a week proved too wearing. I went to once a fortnight, then quit and looked for something online. (I am lucky to have so many good options.)

Found This Jungian Life podcasts and listened non-stop for a few weeks then signed up for their Dream School, Websites at end of the post. So for six months I painted my dreams and studied how to interpret them. That’s still going. The course is twelve months.

But once you’re taking notice, dreams come thick and fast and I only painted a few. Wrote the rest. The journal these days is a loose leaf folder with pages inserted when and where. And notes, because as you learn more previous dreams also suddenly get meaning.

The community committee organizes classes and groups. I joined a painting group. Two people are working in oils. Two in acrylics. The leader asked me what. I went home and fetched my watercolors gear. Painted a little scene.

Ordinary, compared to what came after, and there a few things I would’ve done different if I’d been more aware of what I was doing, and less concerned about where I was doing it. I’ve never painted in public.

Lol, there’s no planning in this landscape at all. I started at the top with the sky which worked OK. All the rest reminds me of the scenery of an early computer game, Robin Hood I seem to remember, forest in clumps suggesting paths where the merry men disappeared. A slope and a lake? River? Ice? That blotty bit in the middle? Was where I was distracted, painting in public as I said, and my brush hit the paper where it shouldn’t have, and I tried to blot off the marks.

Link to both Dream School and the This Jungian Life podcasts. This Jungian Life

What ‘Place’ Means to Me

Delving Yardbarker’s post about Place on their blog Faded Houses Green, started me thinking about what place has meant to me over the years, and how that affects my story making.

My best childhood places and events resonate in me with bursts of color. My first clear self-remembered memory is of the upturned faces of golden dandelion flowers starring the flooded and frozen grassland where my father took me and my little brothers ice skating. I was about six-years-old and had ‘proper’ child-sized skates. My brothers had flat, double-edged pieces of Meccano strapped under their shoes.

Much further on in the same year there were the glory of dahlias in a three-brick high garden bed in the backyard. A riot of pinks, plum red, orange, and golds that pronged into my eyes and heart so that I was rarely aware of the voracious pigeons sharing the backyard, quarreling over the feed scattered over the patio.

The master bedroom was curtained with a pink-orange tinted cotton. When the afternoon sun shone through, the room glowed red-gold, and I loved to be there then. Roundabout when I turned seven, my mother said that I wasn’t to hover at the bedroom door and make a nuisance of myself. She’d loaned the bedroom to a pair of unmarried teenagers expecting twins, and life became grey and ordinary for a while. Grey skies. Grey streets, red-grey brick houses. Seven dried up leaves on the sapling outside the front door.

One autumn we camped at a place called ‘Ommen’ where golden chanterelle mushrooms grew in the pine and beech forests nearby. My mother took us mushroom hunting and to find the little triangular brown beechnuts that fit exactly between my first three finger tips. Fried together on the primus camp-stove, these ‘fruits of the forest’ made dinner that night a feast.

And so I find that most of my clearest, earliest, visual memories of places are to do with warm vibrant colors. Being given my first orange when I was about eight years old, what a delicious thrill that was. I kept it for days in a special tin under my bed, to take it out and drink in its glory. Hot golden potato fries deliciously fragrant with mayonnaise that we sometimes had from a particular shop in De Haag on the way home from a long trip.

My first Lego set, the size of a packet of cigarettes, that had enough red bricks in it to build a little house, and that because I received it as a going-away present, I will always associate with the ship we traveled on to Indonesia.

Of course there were more colors. Skies of washed-out blue, steel grey or unbroken cloud. The North Sea, when I saw it, was usually also steel grey. River boats were brown or slick grey with rain and river water. The Hoogovens (steelworks) had a tall chimney belching out yellow-grey. Shades of green did not particularly impress me in those childhood days. The saddest book I ever read had covers of dark green leather.

When I look back on those years, it seems now that most people then kept their vibrant colors for indoors. Traditionalists had their rich red Persian rugs as table covers—after a meal they swept crumbs from them using a special stoffer-en-blikje, (dustpan and brush), with brass handles. Needle-worked scatter cushions and cross-stitched wall hangings brightened cosy living rooms. Highly polished brass planters and vases reflected firelight and old fashioned oil lamps.

Experiment with watercolor paint and starburst foil

Lego Robot

My new not-yet-totally-complete robot posing against the experimental terra-forming.

The robot is from the Dreamzz series, set 71454. He’s called Z-Blob but I will be thinking up a name appropriate to the role he’ll be playing in the the ongoing storying.

The terra-forming needs over-painting in places, and a way to attach the long sides to each other that will allow changing the pieces around. Maybe.

In the story, there’s a city in the background on the other side of the mud-flats and river channel, that I’m still cogitating how to make. Paint and draw? Collage? A 2D Lego build? What do you think?

Art Journaling

Header on latest page

One of my favourite meditative activities is working on the decorated margins in my dream journal.

They are always different and often suggest living creatures, such as here a beaked being on the right, and a fox-like entity in the centre.

The process is simple. I use my water colour paints and a 0.4 Artline 200 pen. Today I used Quinacridone Gold and Scarlet.

Since this book is new and the paper is an unknown quantity, I’m starting with primary colour mixes. I’ve already noticed there’s a vast amount of spotting on this paper. Don’t yet know why.

I painted patches and streaks of the first colour round the margins surrounding the blocks to be saved for writing, and waited till moderately dry.

Sloppily over-painted with second colour, leaving some of the gold patches and streaks, and making new patches and streaks over the first, and any unused areas.

It doesn’t pay to be too exact. Wait until thoroughly dry. Some people use hairdryers to speed the process.

In my next session I use the outliner—I prefer black—to make lines wherever the colours change including in areas of shading, though it’s easy to go too far.

It pays to keep checking how the work looks, and whether any recognizable entities are cropping up, and then to give them an eye or ear.

Life: Cataracts? Done!

Colors have improved! In this photo of a sunset during rain looking into the center of the complex where I live, lights are whiter, the pink clouds aren’t as pink as I remember them, but the greens are definitely greener. And there’s a difference now between the greens of the shrubbery and the green of the lawn. The palms at the back look grey-green. Being able to see more colors has also improved my depth vision.

Now to wait for four weeks of healing and having my brain adapt to my eyes’ new lenses, and adapt to how they can now work together before being prescribed new spectacles for reading … maybe.

An additional plus for me is that the original reason that I started wearing spectacles is gone too. When I was 17, I was diagnosed with astigmatism, and my new intra ocular lenses take care of that. I’m sitting here typing without any spectacles. Almost unbelievable after wearing them for nearly sixty years! That, below, was me about twenty years ago.

This, the second day after having my second eye done, I can already clearly see what I’m typing on my laptop, on my lap … a distance of 60 cms … that previously I wouldn’t have had a hope of seeing clearly.

One of the amazing things is how the quality of light has changed to a lighter and brighter tone. The sky is now sky-blue. Clouds are both whiter and greyer, and don’t look like thunderheads rightaway. I’ve had to trust my phone weather app for a couple of years already to figure out what to wear, or whether to take a brolly with me, to go out. I should now be able to learn again, to gauge the weather by looking at the sky, as I used to.

Previously I thought the walls of the complex where I live were a gold-cream tint. I discovered when I had my left eye done that the color is a more neutral-cream tint. The carpet in the unit I rent is grayish, not brownish. Still a “tenant-grey”, according to my son. It’s easier to tell close shades apart.

Another ability I have got again is peripheral vision. Anyone first getting used to multi-focals will know that feeling, of the world suddenly narrowing. I hated that, not being able to see out of the corner of my eyes.

I could go on and on. Colors of anything and everything have always played an important part in my life. I’m happy!

Life: Over-extended!

‘Over-extended’ sums up my state of being pretty accurately when I realized I was hardly doing anything I really enjoyed, but started to feel harried! This time last week I had two blogs and a Substack to populate with interesting posts. I’d signed up to receive a dozen newsletters to read through the week. And that all is not counting my presence on FB.

And lol, I was expecting to be able to continue gardening, mending, painting, and Lego construction. And keep up with real-life socializing, medical appointments and dream journaling. I even thought I could write three long stories at the same time! Tch tch tch. Truly over-extended. But don’t worry, this blog is a stayer. Lodestar is a stayer. MELD, second part of the Monster-Moored series, is being prepped for a structural edit. Earth Fall, a prequel of the Monster-Moored series, that I started to serialize on Substack, is stalled.

Because I’ve been pruning. The Substack account? Is gone. Three quarters of the newsletters? Unsubscribed. Half a dozen FB groups? Unfollowed.

Last Sunday I decided to learn a new Lego technique at least every week. Not necessarily anything to do with Lego storying projects, which will continue once the stream of visitors I’ve been having dries up. Visitors mean that my Lego-ing table, aka the dining table, must be empty for dining on.

Some of my visitors were here a couple of weeks ago for the ‘Three Sisters’ weekend I hosted at my place when I had both my sisters to stay. We try to do this every year though we live all over the country.

Some of my visitors are here for the cataract operations I’m booked in for, when I need an in-house carer to stay for the night after the op. Two eyes equals two cataract operations needing two in-house carers a month apart, first one of my sisters, then my son. It’ll be a relief to get my eyes working together again. At the moment, I’m doing all my reading with the now-good eye and a magnifying glass as my old specs don’t work anymore.

The new Lego-technique in that small bunch of Lego flowers up above, concerns the stamens in the orange California poppy. Four tiny stamens, each made with two of the elements that I had no ideas on how to use. I have another dozen of these mysteries in my collection.

But going back to that feeling of being over-extended, and not being able to do anything well. Feeling harried by the amount of reading. Feeling my creativity nose-diving. I’ve hardly done any painting lately. An installment for Lodestar was taking months to write instead of a couple of weeks. I haven’t knitted at all this winter. And sitting down with a good novel ? Fell by the wayside.

So here’s to trimming, pruning, and cutting back! Organizing life to be able to live and enjoy it!

How and what have you trimmed recently? Apart from your finger and toenails. 🙂